he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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