If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
