Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
