i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
