I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
