I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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