You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
