I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
