The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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