Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
