Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
