I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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