chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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