I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
