i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
