If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize