thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
