The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
