pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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