Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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