I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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