dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
