every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
