Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
