i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
