I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
