i permit you to call me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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