Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
