I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
