I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
