How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
