u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
