you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
