So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
