I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
