They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
