I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
