names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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