also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
