i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's shark week go big or go home
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize