Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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