Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
should my penis look like a turkey
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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