I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
