remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
