My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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