24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
