I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
