Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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