I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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