Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
