I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
