I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
