Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
