i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
