I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
