So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
