apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
