I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
