This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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