fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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