wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Be still, my beating vagina.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
