apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
