I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
