tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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