So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
