apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize